When I became a full-time homemaker five years ago, I had no idea what I was in for. Feeling lost, I did what any millennial mom would do—I turned to the internet. And wow, did I find options! FlyLady, Clean Mama, The Organised Mum Method, and more—if there was a cleaning schedule out there, I tried it.

And I failed. Every. Single. One.

At first, I thought it was just me. Maybe I wasn’t disciplined enough. Maybe I just wasn’t cut out to be a homemaker. But the truth? The routines I kept trying weren’t made for my life. I was following someone else’s ideal—someone with a different home, a different schedule, different standards, and possibly even hired help (which, let’s be real, would change everything).

It wasn’t just the routines that were the problem, though. I was also:

• Comparing myself to unrealistic standards (hello, Pinterest perfection).
• Forgetting to make space for myself in my day.
• Forcing schedules that didn’t fit the natural flow of my life.
  

After a chaotic move to our semi-rural fixer-upper, I realized something had to give. I couldn’t keep trying to fit into someone else’s mold, and I was driving myself crazy trying. So I scrapped it all and started from scratch. Here’s how I finally built a routine that works for me—and how you can do the same.

1. Step Away from Social Media (Temporarily)

The first thing I did? I deleted Instagram and Pinterest off my phone for a few months. It was hard at first—I love a good home inspiration scroll! But I needed a mental reset. Without a constant flood of curated spaces and unrealistic schedules, I was able to reorient my idea of “normal” and be a lot kinder to myself (and my family).

If social media is making you feel like your home isn’t enough, try taking a break. You might be surprised at how much lighter you feel.

2. Observe Your Life (Without Judgment)

For a while, I just watched my days unfold. Instead of forcing a schedule, I paid attention to what already worked and what didn’t. When did I naturally feel most productive? What chores stressed me out the most? What things actually made my home feel good to live in?

I also started noticing my self-talk. Was I constantly telling myself I was behind? That I was failing? That my home should look different? Those thoughts weren’t helping me—and they were completely optional. Your home is your sanctuary. You deserve to enjoy it just as much as everyone else under your roof.

3. Define Your Non-Negotiables

Instead of following a pre-made checklist, I made my own based on what mattered most to me. Here’s what I realized:

• I love a clean floor. So, I vacuum or sweep daily and mop weekly.
• Pet spaces need to be fresh. That means litter boxes scooped daily, the chicken coop cleaned weekly.
• Laundry piles overwhelm me. One load gets washed, folded, and put away the same day.
• Paper clutter stresses me out. So, I deal with mail and school papers immediately.
• The kitchen should be ready at all times. That means an empty dishwasher in the morning and a clean sink at night.
  

Your non-negotiables might look totally different than mine. Maybe you don’t mind a little laundry pile-up, but you need your bed made every morning. Maybe you couldn’t care less about dust, but a cluttered kitchen drives you crazy. Pay attention to what makes your space feel good to you and build around that.

4. Make Room for Yourself

This was a tough one. I have struggled with chronic fatigue for years, and after countless doctor visits with no answers, I had to accept that something needed to change. And that something wasn’t going to be me, my family, or my home—it was my expectations.

I cleared my schedule of unnecessary commitments. I focused on rest. And I finally had the energy to build sustainable routines. You might not need to go to such extremes, but if you’re constantly exhausted, ask yourself: Am I giving myself the time and care I need?

5. Keep It Flexible

I’ve tried rigid schedules. They don’t work for me. Instead, I’ve found that loose block-style routines and checklists make life easier.

My mornings start with coffee and my planner, a little movement, a shower, and getting dressed in an outfit that makes me feel good. I take care of the pets, knock out a few easy chores, then have breakfast with my girls before we ease into homeschool.

Instead of assigning each day a cleaning focus, I created simple daily, weekly, and monthly checklists for myself. I keep meals easy—everyone in my house is picky in their own way, and I’ve made peace with that. Evenings are about tidying up, bedtime routines, and winding down with my husband before getting to bed by 10.

If something isn’t working? I tweak it. No guilt. No shame. And if I fall behind? It’s okay. I’ll catch up.

You Get to Write Your Own Rules

If you’ve been struggling to keep up with someone else’s schedule and standards, maybe it’s time to write your own. Step back, observe your life, and build a routine that fits you.

A peaceful, well-run home doesn’t come from following a perfect checklist. It comes from knowing yourself, knowing your priorities, and giving yourself grace along the way.

So take a breath. Let go of the pressure. And start creating a routine that makes homemaking feel good—for you.